and we wonder why she left

a high school friend posted the following list on FB. I took out a few things that make the list long and uninteresting; only someone from Wildwood would give a shit.

For those who live in New Jersey and those who visit:

New Jersey is a peninsula.

whoopity shit

Highlands, New Jersey has the highest elevation along the entire eastern seaboard, from Maine to Florida.

that’s a total lie

New Jersey is the only state where all of its counties are classified as metropolitan areas.

isn’t that just dandy

New Jersey has more race horses than Kentucky.

New Jersey has more Cubans in Union City (1 sq. mi.) than Havana, Cuba.

horses and cubans are okay

New Jersey has the densest system of highways and railroads in the US.

highways are not

New Jersey has the highest cost of living.

no

New Jersey has the highest cost of auto insurance.

no

New Jersey has the highest property taxes in the nation.

and…no

New Jersey has the most diners in the world and is sometimes referred to as the “Diner Capital of the World.”

one can only eat so many 2 am biscuits and gravy

New Jersey is home to the original Mystery Pork Parts Club (not Spam): Taylor Ham or Pork Roll.

is this a bragging point?

Home to the less mysterious but the best Italian hot dogs and Italian sausage w/peppers and onions.

food of my childhood

North Jersey has the most shopping malls in one area in the world, with seven major shopping malls in a 25 square mile radius.

no comment

The Passaic River was the site of the first submarine ride
by inventor John P. Holland .

kind of cool but who wants to ride a giant ship under a river?

New Jersey has 50+ resort cities & towns; some of the nation’s most famous: Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Cape May.

hives. this gives me hives

New Jersey has the most stringent testing along its coastline for water quality control than any other seaboard state in the entire country.

yes, since needles started appearing on the shores of all of those resort towns

New Jersey is a leading technology & industrial state and is the largest chemical producing state in the nation when you include pharmaceuticals.

why all of my parents’ friends died of cancer

Jersey tomatoes are known the world over as being the best you can buy.

I’ll give them that

Here’s to New Jersey – the toast of the country! In 1642, the first brewery in America, opened in Hoboken.

if you lived in Jersey in 1642, you’d drink too

New Jersey is a major seaport state with the largest seaport in the US, located in Elizabeth. Nearly 80 percent of what our nation imports comes through Elizabeth Seaport first.

making bank off unnecessary plastic shit made by small asian children

New Jersey is home to one of the nation’s busiest airports (in Newark), Liberty International.

who wants to visit one of the nation’s busiest anything, just to wait in line?

George Washington slept there.

the guy was in the middle of a war, on the move, he slept EVERYWHERE

Several important Revolutionary War battles were fought on New Jersey soil, led by General George Washington.

see above

The light bulb, phonograph (record player), and motion picture projector, were invented by Thomas Edison in his Menlo Park, NJ, laboratory

just read that Edison may have pilfered his assistant’s ideas

New Jersey was home to the Miss America Pageant held in Atlantic City.

doing their part to empower women every day

The game Monopoly named the streets on its playing board after the actual streets in Atlantic City. And, Atlantic City has the longest boardwalk in the world, not to mention salt water taffy. ( Now made in Pennsylvania)..

and where’s the salt water in Pennsylvania?

New Jersey has the largest petroleum containment area outside of the Middle East countries.

let’s hope it doesn’t spill all over that beautiful shoreline in Asbury Park, Wildwood, Atlantic City, Seaside Heights, Cape May

The first Indian reservation was in New Jersey, in the Watchung Mountains

first in ethnic cleansing

New Jersey built the first tunnel under a river, the Hudson (Holland Tunnel)

admittedly quite cool

New Jersey is home to both of “NEW YORK’S” pro football teams!

yes because who is going to root for a team from the state famous for oil storage and needles on the beach

All New Jersey natives: Sal Martorano, Jack Nicholson, Bruce
Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Jason Alexander, Queen Latifah, Susan Sarandon, Connie Francis, Shaq, Judy Blume, Aaron Burr, Joan Robertson, Ken Kross, Dionne Warwick, Sarah Vaughn, Budd Abbott, Lou Costello, Alan Ginsberg, Norman Mailer, Marilynn McCoo, Flip Wilson, Alexander Hamilton, Zack Braff Whitney Houston, Eddie Money, Linda McElroy, Eileen Donnelly,
Grover Cleveland, Woodrow Wilson, Walt Whitman, Jerry Lewis, Tom Cruise, Joyce Kilmer, Bruce Willis, Caesar Romero, Lauryn Hill, Ice-T, Nick Adams, Nathan Lane, Sandra Dee, Danny DeVito, Richard Conti, Joe Pesci, Joe Piscopo, Joe DePasquale, Robert Blake, John Forsythe, Meryl Streep, Loretta Swit, Norman Lloyd, Paul Simon, Jerry Herman, Gorden McCrae, Kevin Spacey, John Travolta, Phyllis Newman, Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Eva Marie Saint, Elisabeth Shue, Zebulon Pike, James Fennimore Cooper, Admiral Wm.Halsey,Jr.,Norman Schwarzkopf, Dave Thomas (Wendy’s), William Carlos Williams, Ray Liotta, Robert Wuhl, Bob Reyers, Paul Robeson, Ernie Kovacs, Joseph Macchia, Kelly Ripa, and Francis Albert Sinatra and “Uncle Floyd” Vivino.

Martorano, Costello, Romero, DeVito, Pesci, Piscopo, DePasquale, Travolta, Liotta, Vivino, the Genovese and DeCavalcante “families”, Strazza…a regular little italy…bring on the sausage and peppers…and the ammo

Meryl Streep and J Giles are from my town

Kevin Spacey is a sexual predator

yay Walt Whitman

You know you’re from Jersey when . . . .

You don’t think of fruit when people mention “The Oranges.”
You know that it’s called Great Adventure, not Six Flags.

that did feel very significant…when I was 12


You know that the state isn’t one big oil refinery

it’s easy to get confused with all that petroleum stored there


You know that the state isn’t all farmland.

right, because it’s highways, oil tanks, malls, and diners


You know that there are no “beaches” in New Jersey–there’s the shore–and you don’t go “to the shore,” you go “down the shore.” And when you are there, you’re not “at the shore”; you are “down the shore.”

grammar?


You know how to properly negotiate a circle.
You knew that the last sentence had to do with driving.

yeah, but you don’t know how to speak proper english


You don’t think “What exit?” is very funny.

so. very. true


You know that no respectable New Jerseyan goes to Princeton–that’s for out-of-staters.

you just turned down an ivy league education because you’re too cool…no wonder you can’t put a sentence together


You live within 20 minutes of at least three different malls.

via highways, circles, exits, and petroleum storage

You refer to all highways and interstates by their numbers

because there are too many to track

Every year you have least one kid in your class named Tony

and his last name is Genovese, DeCavalcante, or Strazza

You’ve gotten on the wrong highway trying to get out of the mall

pretty much sums it up

And last…

You’ve never, ever, pumped your own gas

I do miss this

but certainly not enough to move back

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s