someone always knows something

The “beauty” of living in a small town is that whoever you are, whatever you present about yourself to the public, someone knows something about you that you might not want the world to think about every time they see you.

The problem with having been one of the town confidantes is that I’ve heard a lot of those secrets about people whom I often see.

And since I know those things, I can’t help but think about them when I run into that person.

And sometimes I wish I didn’t know these things; sometimes these tidbits of knowledge make me think less of that person.

Maybe to the point of not liking them. At all.

Here are a few that I wish I could un-hear:

He’s cute but worst sex EVER.

She had a foursome that included a dog.

He hits her.

She hits him.

He cheated on his wife with her.

She loves anal sex and he has a GIANT…

She is bat. shit. crazy.

They never paid him for work he did on their house and now they’ve ghosted him.

She drowns skunks.

She sends racist cartoons to her friends.

He drinks himself into a stupor every single night.

She slept with a high schooler.

His idea of pillow talk is about how much he misses his ex.

She sends nude photos to the married men in town.

He took nude photos of children.

He shoots mountain lions for sport.

She’s having an affair.

He drunkenly propositioned his best friend’s wife.

She doesn’t wash her hands after using the restroom.

He votes for the other side.

She pees in the groover.

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