Is it hot in here?

When I was in high school, a friend’s grandmother had one of the very first microwaves.

One day, the friend, J, cooked something in the new cooker. When the timer dinged she opened the door and reached in to grab the popcorn or hot pocket or teacup or whatever it was.

Doesn’t matter. What does matter is that when she stuck her hand inside the microwave door, it continued to cook.

Her hand.

From the inside out.

No shit. For reals. Gross.

I don’t have a microwave.

The reason for me telling you this, today, is that my entire body feels like it is trapped inside of J’s grandmother’s microwave.

I am burning up.

From the inside out.

Hot Fucking Flashes.

It’s so bad. My forearms sweat. I have to wash my sheets constantly. My eyeglasses have salty sweat spots on the lenses. I’m wearing tank tops and short shorts to work. My earlobes get moist.

I am NOT exaggerating.

And, I just read that you’re not even burning calories while you’re burning up.

Those of you who have experienced this: you feel me. I know you do.

I’m sorry that I ever thought any woman was ever being a puss about this menopause nonsense.

For those of you who are still young and naive: Ignorance is bliss.

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